Take the Lead

I was talking to God tonight about being tired. I am SO VERY TIRED. I am tired of fighting, tired of losing, tired of struggling, tired of purging, tired of overcoming, just...tired. I started to think about how this is a theme in my life. I often go to God with the complaint of being tired, and every time he comes right back at me with, "Let me fight for you." That sounds GREAT right? But WHAT does that mean? The fact that I keep coming back to God time and time again saying, "I'm tired" and he keeps responding (with a deep sigh and smirky grin at my silliness I imagine) "let me fight for you" that I am not letting him fight for me. Instead, I'm trying to take the battle for him and constantly getting in his way or stealing his armor and trying to use it myself

When I think about God "fighting for me" it seems like such an obscure thought. How does GOD fight for me? I'm not on a battlefield waving my giant sword in tears as I parade towards my nemesis clothed in black bearing steel armor. No, I'm living day to day with internal spiritual struggles. So if God is supposed to be fighting for me, spiritually, how do I let him do that?

I came to a clear realization tonight about what it means. It's not about me saying, "take this from me", although that can be a huge part of it, but it doesn't end there. It's not even about me acknowledging the truth that God desires for us to "not be anxious about anything" (Philippines 4:4). I let God fight for me when I choose to submit to Him. One of my favorite scriptures is in Exodus, Moses faced the Israelites and spoke to them in their fear and struggle, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." That's great! But they still had to SUBMIT to God and his plan for them. To walk AGAINST fear and escape Egypt. Had they chosen fear, the Israelites would have never experienced freedom and lived the rest of their lives in slavery. Much like how when I chose fear, I'm choosing to be in bondage to whatever battle I am trying to win on my own. Man, the Bible has great metaphors!

My prayers are moving from, "God I need you to do what you said and fight for me!" to "God, show me where I can submit to you so that I can step aside and let you take lead." I am thankful that all God asks of me, is that I receive more of Him. And sometimes receiving is the hardest thing that we can do, but when it is God, it is good.

Can I believe in the Bible?

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend who created a small paradigm shift in my thinking. The concept that the Bible contradicts itself, and not just in small, ironic ways, like instructing you to be a servant and in the same passage instructing you to be a leader. See, to be a leader is to serve. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about historical "facts" being told differently by different people. Not personal accounts on stories, but things like the amount of time between Adam and Abraham.

He was saying how the Bible is imperfect, and its not the bible in which we place our faith. This is odd, I was always, and still am told to "stand on the Word of God" and the "Word of God" being the Bible. So I ask the question, if event "A" is untrue, how can I believe anything else to be true? Because it makes sense? That's not a very solid point to stand on. His response is, faith. I feel like that's the answer to any unanswerable question and while I go with it, I'm not always okay with it. Feels like a religious cop-out.

When it comes down to it though, it's not and never has been the Bible that roots my faith. It's my relationship. It's the experiences that I've had and personal life-change that fuel my faith. Scripture, I believe, is God breathed. But it's God breathed THROUGH MAN, who is imperfect. Making it the perfectly imperfect account. It's interesting how God works and mind boggling. Who am I to try to figure it out?

I will always rely on scripture and stand on God's Word, but when people point out discrepancies, it won't be a point of discouragement or confusion. It's an honor that God is using His creation to communicate His heart towards us. He believes in us that much, and trusts that if we follow Him we will be LIKE him and a living example of the Word that is God.