Take the Lead

I was talking to God tonight about being tired. I am SO VERY TIRED. I am tired of fighting, tired of losing, tired of struggling, tired of purging, tired of overcoming, just...tired. I started to think about how this is a theme in my life. I often go to God with the complaint of being tired, and every time he comes right back at me with, "Let me fight for you." That sounds GREAT right? But WHAT does that mean? The fact that I keep coming back to God time and time again saying, "I'm tired" and he keeps responding (with a deep sigh and smirky grin at my silliness I imagine) "let me fight for you" that I am not letting him fight for me. Instead, I'm trying to take the battle for him and constantly getting in his way or stealing his armor and trying to use it myself

When I think about God "fighting for me" it seems like such an obscure thought. How does GOD fight for me? I'm not on a battlefield waving my giant sword in tears as I parade towards my nemesis clothed in black bearing steel armor. No, I'm living day to day with internal spiritual struggles. So if God is supposed to be fighting for me, spiritually, how do I let him do that?

I came to a clear realization tonight about what it means. It's not about me saying, "take this from me", although that can be a huge part of it, but it doesn't end there. It's not even about me acknowledging the truth that God desires for us to "not be anxious about anything" (Philippines 4:4). I let God fight for me when I choose to submit to Him. One of my favorite scriptures is in Exodus, Moses faced the Israelites and spoke to them in their fear and struggle, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." That's great! But they still had to SUBMIT to God and his plan for them. To walk AGAINST fear and escape Egypt. Had they chosen fear, the Israelites would have never experienced freedom and lived the rest of their lives in slavery. Much like how when I chose fear, I'm choosing to be in bondage to whatever battle I am trying to win on my own. Man, the Bible has great metaphors!

My prayers are moving from, "God I need you to do what you said and fight for me!" to "God, show me where I can submit to you so that I can step aside and let you take lead." I am thankful that all God asks of me, is that I receive more of Him. And sometimes receiving is the hardest thing that we can do, but when it is God, it is good.

Grace in Hardship

A lot of times in my life, and in the life of my community, it seems like God works in themes. In my small group last week, we talked a lot about hardship, and it is most definitely a concept that I have been walking through. A lot of times, I feel like hardship is unfair and nothing but difficult. But I'm learning to understand that God sees it differently. Scripture says that God works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and the further I press into God the more I see that to be true.

Take hardship. We all have it, we all experience it. It is not something that we experience once and then never again. Hardship will weave in and out of our lives in different intensities with different circumstances. And God allows it. I don't believe that God allows it because He is cruel, or because we are unprotected even; I think God allows it because we are flawed and there are lessons to be learned from it.

Have you ever met an adult that grew up in a wealthy distant family, who had no struggles, nothing he had to work for, no cares in the world. Now how many of those people, who raised that way, have you met that were loving, kind and giving? Not many. Check this out:

"You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus...Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athelete, he does not receive the victors crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into this." (2nd Timothy 2:1-7)

What does this say to you? To me, it says 4 things:

1.) God gives us grace. There is a special grace that is available to us in the midst of hardship! God wants us to lean into Him and receive this from Him. He loves us and will see us through.

2.) Hardship clarifies our mission. We are soldiers of Christ, and our mission is to serve Him. Whatever our commander wants us to do, wherever He wants us to be, that's where we're at. Something about going through difficulty sobers us. Helps us snap back to reality that we are here to serve Christ and to love others.

3.) Hardship develops personal & spiritual discipline. Whenever I'm going through something difficult, that's when I lean into God the most. It's when I grow the most. God uses these times to draw us close to Him, because that's where we find freedom and grace. Embrace it :)

4.) There are rewards. Think back in this past year of your life. What were some of the best parts and the worst parts? It was funny to me how some of the most troubling times led to some of the best things. We work hard, we receive a share of the crops.

GOD IS GOOD.

Can I believe in the Bible?

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend who created a small paradigm shift in my thinking. The concept that the Bible contradicts itself, and not just in small, ironic ways, like instructing you to be a servant and in the same passage instructing you to be a leader. See, to be a leader is to serve. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about historical "facts" being told differently by different people. Not personal accounts on stories, but things like the amount of time between Adam and Abraham.

He was saying how the Bible is imperfect, and its not the bible in which we place our faith. This is odd, I was always, and still am told to "stand on the Word of God" and the "Word of God" being the Bible. So I ask the question, if event "A" is untrue, how can I believe anything else to be true? Because it makes sense? That's not a very solid point to stand on. His response is, faith. I feel like that's the answer to any unanswerable question and while I go with it, I'm not always okay with it. Feels like a religious cop-out.

When it comes down to it though, it's not and never has been the Bible that roots my faith. It's my relationship. It's the experiences that I've had and personal life-change that fuel my faith. Scripture, I believe, is God breathed. But it's God breathed THROUGH MAN, who is imperfect. Making it the perfectly imperfect account. It's interesting how God works and mind boggling. Who am I to try to figure it out?

I will always rely on scripture and stand on God's Word, but when people point out discrepancies, it won't be a point of discouragement or confusion. It's an honor that God is using His creation to communicate His heart towards us. He believes in us that much, and trusts that if we follow Him we will be LIKE him and a living example of the Word that is God.