Take the Lead

I was talking to God tonight about being tired. I am SO VERY TIRED. I am tired of fighting, tired of losing, tired of struggling, tired of purging, tired of overcoming, just...tired. I started to think about how this is a theme in my life. I often go to God with the complaint of being tired, and every time he comes right back at me with, "Let me fight for you." That sounds GREAT right? But WHAT does that mean? The fact that I keep coming back to God time and time again saying, "I'm tired" and he keeps responding (with a deep sigh and smirky grin at my silliness I imagine) "let me fight for you" that I am not letting him fight for me. Instead, I'm trying to take the battle for him and constantly getting in his way or stealing his armor and trying to use it myself

When I think about God "fighting for me" it seems like such an obscure thought. How does GOD fight for me? I'm not on a battlefield waving my giant sword in tears as I parade towards my nemesis clothed in black bearing steel armor. No, I'm living day to day with internal spiritual struggles. So if God is supposed to be fighting for me, spiritually, how do I let him do that?

I came to a clear realization tonight about what it means. It's not about me saying, "take this from me", although that can be a huge part of it, but it doesn't end there. It's not even about me acknowledging the truth that God desires for us to "not be anxious about anything" (Philippines 4:4). I let God fight for me when I choose to submit to Him. One of my favorite scriptures is in Exodus, Moses faced the Israelites and spoke to them in their fear and struggle, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." That's great! But they still had to SUBMIT to God and his plan for them. To walk AGAINST fear and escape Egypt. Had they chosen fear, the Israelites would have never experienced freedom and lived the rest of their lives in slavery. Much like how when I chose fear, I'm choosing to be in bondage to whatever battle I am trying to win on my own. Man, the Bible has great metaphors!

My prayers are moving from, "God I need you to do what you said and fight for me!" to "God, show me where I can submit to you so that I can step aside and let you take lead." I am thankful that all God asks of me, is that I receive more of Him. And sometimes receiving is the hardest thing that we can do, but when it is God, it is good.